Should You be a Stay at Home Mom?

Your most important questions answered

Have you ever wondered if being a stay at home mom would be good for you?

A friend of mine asked me if I regret being a stay at home mom and it had me think deeply about my at-home experience. Do I regret being a stay at home mom? What would I change?

Like my friend, you may be a working mom trying to decide whether quitting your job to take care of your children is the right call.

You may be curious to know the benefits of being a stay at home mom and what it is like to be a stay at home mom. You probably want to know as much as you can to prepare yourself for the transition from working mom to stay at home mom.

The most frequently asked questions by moms

If mommy groups on Facebook and other community forums are anything to go by, questions about being a stay at home mom are common.

Today, I would like to respond to these questions based on my experience, as honestly as possible. Here are these questions:

• How do I become a stay at home mom?
• Should I be a stay at home mom?
• How can I afford to be a stay at home mom?
• What do stay-at-home moms do?
• The benefits of being a stay at home mom?
• What are the cons of being a stay at home mom?
• Do you have any regrets about leaving your career to be a stay at home mom?
• How can I make money as a stay at home mom?

So, if you wanna hear from someone who has been there, done that, stick with me. You deserve to get the truth and that’s all I’m going to serve yah.

As mothers, we are faced with this dilemma on whether we should be working moms or choose to stay at home and raise our children.

Am I a good enough mom? If I stay at home, what example am I setting to my children? Am I spending enough time with them? What if…

All these questions can be exhausting and it is truly a difficult decision to make. Sometimes circumstances leave you with no choice other to be a stay at ome mom or a working mom.

Whichever end you find yourself, stop beating yourself up mama. You are good enough for your kids. The very fact that you are worried about it is evidence enough that you care. And that makes you a wonderful mom.

Is it better to be a stay at home mom or a working mom?

My opinion on this is quite simple. It is better to be a happy mom. When you are a happy mom, whether you are staying at home or working, you end up with a thriving family.

If you are trying to decide whether you should be a stay at home mom or not, start by asking yourself what is most important to you as a parent? What I want for my child is not necessarily what you want for yours.

Once you know what is most important to you, then decide whether you can achieve that as a working mom or a stay at home mom.

4 Things to consider before you become a stay at home mom

Some questions that you should consider:

1. Is it practical for your family?  

Think about financial implications, the logistics involved, whether your partner supports you on this…

Sometimes it is just not practical. If you have to go into debt for you to stay at home, it is not a good idea.

2. What is your goal?

What goal do you want to achieve for your family? Are you trying to save money? Are you trying to spend more time with your children? Is this a short term plan or a long term plan?

These help you to determine the best approach to take in your motherhood journey. Do you want to work part-time, go to work with your child… As a stay at home mom, are you going to do this until your child is a certain age or is it for the long-term.

3. What support systems do you have in place?

I promise you whichever end of the coin you lie, you do need to support.

Do you have a community of people that can come through for you when you get overwhelmed? Can you afford a babysitter too come in and help you sometimes? A grand-parent maybe?

Please don’t try to be super-mama. Ask for help!  

4. How are you going to ensure you do not go insane (self- care)?

Plan for your self-care darling. It is very possible for you to get overwhelmed and feel like you are going insane as a stay at home mom. The earlier you prepare for this the better it is for you.

Plan to take some time off to just hang out with your friends, be alone, go for a run… Whatever you do, don’t forget to unplug and take care of yourself.  

Have you considered these 4 things? Do you still want to be a stay at home mom? Let me tell you about my experience.

Becoming a stay at home mom

When I decided to be a stay at home mom, I had very limited options and at the time, being a stay at home mom was the best decision for our family.

However, I did not look at it as a decision cast in stone. I knew that if I ever wanted or needed to, I would go back to work. And when the time came, I did.

This seems to be something many women forget, you have a choice.

Whichever direction feels right for your family now, take it. You can always change your mind along the way.

Whether you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, motherhood is not easy. You have to learn to take the wins and learn from the bad days. Forgive yourself and celebrate yourself too. Your best is all you can give.

You are not letting anyone down

I have never been in support of feminism that tells women that they are only doing well if they are competing with or doing better than men in the office.

I read this article by a lady who regrets being a stay at home mom and it left me quite disappointed. Her top regret is that she let the women (the Women’s Movement) who went before her down.

But listen to me folks, true feminism is one that celebrates women’s freedom of choice. The ability we now have to dream anything. You can choose to stay at home or you can choose to work outside the home. Neither makes you any lesser of a person.

The beauty of this freedom is that at one point if your first choice stops serving you well, you can change your mind and do something else.

If you no longer wish to be a stay at home mom, go girl! Get yourself a job. There is absolutely no shame in changing your mind. The same applies if you want to get out of the office and stay home with your babies, power to you!

You do not have to live your life like anyone else. Listen to you and your family’s needs and structure your mom-life accordingly. No judgement.

If you read the article I linked to earlier by a disgruntled stay at home mom, you may wanna read this response on Huffpost by a happy stay at home mom, I loved it.

Related: my experience transitioning from being a working mom to being a stay at home mom

What Do Stay at Home Moms Do?

Perhaps this is one of those questions that can get a million different answers and they will all be right. Why? Because each person is different, the needs of every family are unique.

Generally speaking though, a stay at home mom is a mom who chooses to stay at home to raise her children and take care of her household. She may have help or none at all. She has no paycheck.

Whether they are making breakfast, breastfeeding, homeschooling, doing laundry, making a grocery run with a cranky baby, stay at home moms are always on the run.

They create family budgets, do the family’s meal planning, make sure the kids are attending all their activities. To be honest, they are some of the busiest people on the planet.

And from experience, it is one of the most difficult jobs. But oh, so fulfilling.

Check out this sample day in a stay at home mom’s life.

Benefits of being a stay at home mom

A stay at home mom’s schedule can be pretty intense, but there are many benefits too.

Here are some you may want to consider:

• More time with your child – I am not sure there is anything else that can beat this one.
• Saving money–  with childcare costs (especially in the US) being so high, for some families, it might end up being cheaper for you to stay at home than pay childcare.
• You get to raise your child exactly how you want to and worry less about how they are being treated by someone else.
• Reduced stress – raising a child, taking care of your home while working can be quite stressful. Being a SAHM can reduce that stress for you
• You have time to explore your other passions – take another class part time, start a new hobby or actually pursue the hobbies you had shelved due to lack of time, etc.

Cons

As every other good thing, being a stay at home mom also has its disadvantages. Here are some that I can think of

• Lost income– if you were working before becoming a stay at home mom, then you are going to have to adapt to a new lifestyle as the income will be reduced and expenses increase.
• Loneliness  – As a stay at home, you spend less time with adults and more time with babies. This is why it is important to intentionally make time for connecting with other adults or doing the things that you love so that you don’t end up drained.
• Lost friends – you might lose some of your friends because of your shift. Make new friendships that are going to be relevant to your new status.    

My experience as a stay at home mom was not the easiest. I had many challenges and at some point, we realized it was not going to continue being practical for our family.

3 things I regret about being a stay at home mom

So after about 8 months as a stay at home mom, I went back to work.

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

Would I do anything differently? Yes, a whole lot.

See some of my regrets below.

1. Not being confident in my decision and feeling inadequate.

Making the decision to be a stay at home mom is not easy. Coming out of a relatively good job, I had to get used to a new normal, living on one income.

I struggled with the feeling that I was not doing enough for my family because I was not contributing financially. I constantly second-guessed my decision and wasted valuable time that we would have enjoyed.

If I were to do it again, I would be more confident and focus more on the precious time I have with my family and make the very best of it.

2. Trying to be a perfect mom and wife.

I don’t know where I got the idea that once I became a stay at home mom, I’d suddenly be supermama. I thought I was not going to need help amd that I’d be having all the time in the world to whatever I want.

Surprise, surprise! I never had enough time to do even half the things I thought I would. I ended beating myself up and feeling like I had failed as a mother and a wife.

In retrospect, I was doing just fine. Perfection is overrated.

3. Not asking for help enough.

As a stay at home mom, I often ended up overwhelmed,  exhausted and depressed. I needed help but initially, I felt guilty about asking for it.

Over time I came to realize one thing, we are human and I don’t need .to be “Super”. I had to learn that it is okay to ask for help and rest.

Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of the rest of the family.

If I ever become a stay at home mom again, and I hope I do, I’d enjoy more, pray more and worry less. And I would definitely live in the moment and cherish every chance I get to be home with my family.

Now let’s answer one of the most important questions stay at home moms (and those who want to be stay at home moms) ask.

How Can I make Money as a Stay at Home Mom?

There are quite a number of things you can do to make some money as a stay at home mom. From filling out surveys online to becoming a virtual assistant, the options are endless.

Virginia at earnsmartonline.com has done a really good job in compiling a comprehensive list of work at home jobs. Check them out here

Some of my favorite ways to make money online as a stay at home mom are:

1. Selling crafts on Etsy

Etsy is an e-commerce site that connects buyers and sellers of unique items around the world.

Learn a simple craft and start selling on Etsy. You can sell handmade items, printables, checklists, jewelry, etc. Just be creative and the buyers will be waiting for your awesome items.

There are many Etsy success stories. This mom is making up to $70,000 per month selling on Etsy!

Read her story here

2. Another way to make extra money is by selling items that you don’t need online.

Whether it is an old camera that you no longer use or a stroller that your child has outgrown, you can turn those items into cash. There are many sites that allow you to sell.

Here are a few:

• Ebay,
• Craigslist
• Facebook Marketplace.

3. If you aren’t getting Cashback every time you shop then you are losing money!!!

Get extra money by using cashback apps. These are apps that give you rewards for using them when doing your regular shopping. And yes, the rewards are actually cash that you can transfer to your Paypal account and use.

These are my favorite:

Ebates

Ebates gives you cash back whenever you shop on your favorite stores by going through their site rather than going to those stores directly. Signup here and get $10.

Ebates makes their money through commissions. For every sale you make through Ebates, they earn a commission from the companies they are affiliated to. Then they share some with you. Cool, right?

Ebates has a super-easy to install browser extension. Use it to activate and see how much cashback you can make on any site before you shop.

Did I tell you, you can also make money by telling your friends about Ebates? That’s right. Every time you invite someone to join, they get $10 and you also get $25.

Not signed up yet? Claim your $10 now.

Dosh

Dosh is just like Ebates but with way more options and even better rebates. You can save money on food, gas, flights, hotel bookings and so much more. All you have to do is link your credit/debit cards and do your shopping as usual. When you link a credit card you get $5 immediately. Get your $5 dollars now. You can also use my referral code (DEBORA07)

Ibotta

Ibotta is also another cashback app I use. Download the app to your phone, shop at your favorite store, go home and unlock rebates.

To unlock rebates basically means that once you have done your shopping, you check the app to see which of the items you shopped have rebates. Select all the items, scan your receipt and wait for your money to come in.     

Use my referral code wnoffdi  and get up to $20 when you sign up.

Or you can click on this link to sign up and get FREE money! You can go ahead and refer your friends too after that.

4. Get paid to conserve energy and lower your bill with OhmConnect

Have you heard about OhmConnect? It is one of those things that have been a game changer in our house.

Ohmconnect is a free service that pays you to reduce your energy consumption when it matters the most. They send you a notification about once a week to save energy for one hour (which is called an Ohmhour). If you manage to go lower than your forecasted use, you earn rewards which you can cash out.

Last year, fellow bay area mama Stephanie won $5000 in an Ohmhour giveaway and I thought that was pretty amazing. Here is the story.

I have personally made over $100 dollars on this app and at the same time our energy bill reduced by almost $50 dollars. That is a win in my book and I love it.

Wanna get paid for lowering your energy bill? Join here and get $10 immediately. You can cash out to your Paypal and use it for whatever you want.

5. Make money blogging

Blogging is definitely a legitimate way to make money and it is one way that many stay at home moms have used to make big bucks.

A good example is Suzi Whitford from startamomblog.com who is an industrial engineer turned blogger. She makes over $20,000 per month from her blog.

Suzi has a ton of free content on her website on how you can start your own blog and grow it to over $9,000 per month. I absolutely love her content.

Final Thoughts

Being a stay at home is not the best option for everyone but it is also a very viable option for some families. I hope that after going through these points you can make the best decision for you and your family.

What are your thoughts on being a stay at home mom? Do you have an experience you can share with us? If you have any questions, comments or feedback, I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below!  

With love and light,

Debbie – Streaks of Light